


Kiss me too fiercely, hold me too tight

by Ohcaptainswanmycaptainswan



Series: Deleted scene song fics [3]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-21 14:49:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17644844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ohcaptainswanmycaptainswan/pseuds/Ohcaptainswanmycaptainswan
Summary: Yaz and the Doctor start figuring out what this new thing between them means.Quick, one shot follow up to Lost in the Sky





	Kiss me too fiercely, hold me too tight

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys! im back again, with a quick one shot for yall. i decided that the semester still hasnt let the shit hit the fan yet, but dear lord its coming and i might as well type something out before im dead.  
> if you guys are just clicking on this, i would highly recommend reading lost in the sky before this. you don't haaaaaave to, but a) im really proud of that thing, so shameless plug, b) this might be a little more gratifying if you've read that. i did actually go back and put everything ive written so far in a nice little series for yall, so that should make it easier right? just go back and read from the first work in this thing. i won't be touching lost in the sky, cause again, im really proud of it, but i figure why cant i still play in the space ive created? so if there's more one shots that i write about lost in the sky, ill be posting them in this series for you guys (that's not a promise of more fics in here, just a fyi).
> 
>  this picks up right after lost in the sky. like maybe an hour after that ends? idk timeframe. but definitely same day. 
> 
> fic title from as long as you're mine, from wicked, a fanfiction that is acceptable to most society. 
> 
> enjoy!

The TARDIS jerked as the Doctor threw the lever, sending the humans flying off balance.

 

“So. Where are we going, Doctor?” asked Ryan, grinning.

 

“Dunno.” The Doctor laughed happily. “I put the TARDIS to random. We could end up anywhere, any time, in the entire universe.”

 

“I didn’t know there was a random setting on this thing,” commented Graham.

 

“Oi, Graham, what have I told you about called her a thing? And of course she has a random setting. Where’s the fun in knowing where you’re going all the time?” The Doctor ran over to a monitor, reading the strange symbols on it. “If you want to know where we’re going, you’ll just have to wait and open up those doors. Isn’t that exciting?”

 

“Exhilarating.” Graham fondly rolled his eyes. “And how long will that wait take?”

 

The Doctor grimaced. “About twenty-five hours. Give or take three and a half minutes.”

 

“Brilliant,” said Graham. “Gives us time to catch up on some sleep.”

 

“I’m sensing that you’re not too excited yet.”

 

Graham stifled a yawn. “I will be. After some sleep. And I have twenty-five hours to muster up some excitement, so don’t worry, Doc. Excitement is coming.”

 

“That’s winter, Grandad,” called Ryan at Graham’s departing back. Graham lazily lifted a hand to acknowledge Ryan’s remark as he disappeared into the TARDIS depths.

 

The Doctor rolled her eyes. “Spoil sport.”

 

Yaz laughed from her position against a column as she watched the Doctor run around the room, her coat flapping behind her.

 

“It’s been a long day, Doctor,” she said. As the Doctor ran past her, Yaz caught her elbow. “Cut him a break. Lots of stuff happened today.”

 

The Doctor glanced at Yaz’s hand, her hair falling into her face.

 

“You don’t say,” murmured the Doctor. Her eyes slid to Yaz’s, a small smile creeping its way onto her face.

 

Heat rose in Yaz’s neck as the Doctor’s elbow burned in her hand. A sense of courage suddenly washed over Yaz. Slowly, she raised her other hand to tuck the Doctor’s hair behind her ear, letting the touch linger, running her fingers along the Doctor’s ear cuff.

 

“I suppose that’s my cue to go to bed, too.” Ryan rolled his eyes. “Don’t stay up too late, guys.”

 

Yaz didn’t respond, too entranced by the Doctor’s continued proximity to muster up the ability to talk. Shaking his head at her silence, Ryan left.

 

“…bye, Ryan!”

 

“He’s gone, Doctor,” said Yaz quietly.

 

“So he is.” The Doctor touched Yaz’s cheek gently before turning back to the TARDIS console and throwing another switch. “Guess that leaves you, me, and twenty-five hours to fill! Got any ideas about how to do that?”

 

“A couple.” Yaz put her thumb on the Doctor’s jaw, using it to turn the Doctor’s head away from the monitors. She hesitated for a second, her heart beating double time, before stepping forward and pulling the Doctor into a slow, lingering kiss.

 

“…well that’s certainly one way.”

 

 “Yes, it is.” Yaz chuckled, keeping her body pressed against the Doctor’s. Gently, she ran her hands up and down the Doctor’s suspenders, allowing the back of her hands to brush against the Doctor’s chest, sending sparks of heat throughout her body. As she was about to close the distance again, though, a yawn shook her.

 

The Doctor laughed and stepped away. “Maybe we should pick this up after you’ve slept a little, though. You look exhausted.”

 

“Sleep is overrated,” said Yaz, reaching out for the Doctor. “I’d much rather spend time with you.”

 

“Aww.” The Doctor took Yaz’s hand and raised it to her lips briefly. “But you’re dead on your feet. Get some sleep, Yaz. We have all the time in the world.”

 

Yaz made a noise of protest. “Are you gonna get some sleep too?”

 

“Me? Nah. I’m good for a little while longer.”

 

“What are you going to do?”

 

The Doctor shrugged, smiling. “I’m sure there’s something that needs fixing around here.”

 

Yaz studied her, taking note of the too bright smile and the unnaturally upright angle of the Doctor’s back. The Doctor’s hand trembled slightly in Yaz’s grasp, as if she was forcibly willing it not to shake.

 

“Are you alright, Doctor?”

 

“I’m fine. Why?”

 

“Well, it’s been a long day,” said Yaz slowly, carefully. The Doctor’s fingers twitched, and Yaz tightened her grasp on them before the Doctor could pull away. “And we had to fight that Dalek, and you had to deal with all the associated memories. Not to mention everything the TARDIS showed us without warning you. Are you sure you’re… okay?”

 

The Doctor pulled her hand away. “I told you, I’m fine. You really should get some sleep.”

 

Cold air rushed through Yaz’s hand, the Doctor’s absence clear, even though she stood only a foot away.

 

“Please don’t shut me out.”

 

“I’m not.”

 

“Yes, you are.” Yaz took the Doctor’s hand again, pulling her close again. The Doctor sighed as Yaz lifted her free hand to the Doctor’s face, sweeping stray blond hairs away from her eyes. “That Dalek really rattled you, didn’t it?”

 

“Yaz, I’ve faced them before. It’s nothing I can’t handle.”

 

“No, it’s not,” Yaz agreed. “But this time, you don’t have to handle it alone. Talk to me. Please.”

 

The Doctor searched her eyes, a soft smile on her lips. “Yasmin Khan. You are amazing.”

 

Yaz blushed. “Thanks, but that doesn’t – _mmph_.”

 

Yaz cut off as the Doctor covered her mouth with her own. The Doctor dropped Yaz’s hand, opting instead to hold Yaz’s head steady as she eagerly pushed her against the TARDIS console. Head swimming from the Doctor’s desperate movements, Yaz grabbed the Doctor’s hips, pulling them flush against her own. The edge of the console dug into Yaz’s back, heat coursing through her body and settling low, where the Doctor’s body pressed against hers.

 

“Doctor…”

 

“Hush,” the Doctor said against her lips. Yaz gasped as the Doctor sucked on her lower lip then pushed her tongue into Yaz’s mouth, exploring every nook and cranny. Feeling like she was about to simultaneously burst into flame and combust from lack of oxygen, Yaz pulled back slightly.

 

“Come to bed with me.”

 

The Doctor paused. Her nose pressed against Yaz’s cheek, her breath coming in short pants, mirroring Yaz’s own.

 

“Okay.”

 

And then she was pulling Yaz along the corridor. Yaz stumbled as they reached her room, feeling half in a dream as the Doctor closed the door behind them, pushing Yaz against the wall, trailing kisses down her neck. Daringly, hands shaking, Yaz slid the Doctor’s coat off her shoulders. It fell to the floor with a muffled thump.

 

The Doctor laughed against her skin, her hands dropping to Yaz’s hips. “Is that it?”

 

“No, I… _oh_.”

 

Yaz gasped as the Doctor’s hands slid up her body again, under her shirt, mapping the planes of her stomach with her palms. With a thud, Yaz let her head fall back against the wall, her shirt and bra somehow disappearing as the Doctor cupped one of her breasts, thrusting a leg in between Yaz’s.

 

Fire shot out from where the Doctor pressed into her, Yaz only aware of the Doctor moving her from the wall and walking her backwards, her warm mouth still moving along Yaz’s neck. Suddenly, the edge of the bed pressed into her thighs and Yaz fell onto it, pulling the Doctor with her, tangling her fingers desperately in her hair. Coherent thoughts abandoned her as the Doctor’s mouth moved down, following her collar bone, tracing across her bare skin, leaving warm, wet kisses that chilled her skin as the Doctor moved on to the next.

 

The Doctor kissed over her heart, then took Yaz’s nipple into her mouth. Yaz arched up into the Doctor, pulling urgently, painfully, at her hair, fire searing at her body.

 

“Doctor… I love you.”

 

The Doctor froze.

 

Confused, Yaz lifted her head up. “Doctor?”

 

She didn’t respond, her eyes shut as she pressed her forehead to Yaz’s chest, breathing heavily. Something wet splashed onto Yaz’s skin.

 

“I’m sorry… I can’t do this right now.” The Doctor rolled off of Yaz and made to get up.

 

Quickly, Yaz grabbed her elbow, preventing her from going far.

 

“Doctor, what’s wrong?”

 

 The Doctor didn’t meet her eyes. “I’m being selfish. Using you as a distraction. This isn’t fair to you. I’m sorry.”

 

“I certainly wasn’t complaining,” Yaz laughed incredulously. The Doctor bit her lip, squeezing her eyes shut.  Yaz’s laughter died out. Cautiously, she lifted the Doctor’s head, turning it to face her. The Doctor’s eyes glistened with unshed tears, one small, wet track running down her face. Yaz brushed it away with her thumb. “Please, Doctor. Tell me.”

 

The Doctor sighed.

 

“I hate sleeping.”

 

“Why?” whispered Yaz.

 

“Because when I close my eyes, I hear them screaming.” The Doctor’s body shuddered. “I see everyone burning. I see Gallifrey, falling. I hear the children crying. And there’s nothing I can do. Nothing.”

 

Yaz felt tears begin to prick at her own eyes. “Doctor…”

 

“When I destroyed Gallifrey, I almost thought it was worth it,” the Doctor said in a monotone. “Worth it, so that the Daleks wouldn’t hurt any more children. Wouldn’t destroy any more planets. But they come back. They always come back. And everything I do, anything I do, only stops them for a little bit. I can’t keep going forever. Someday, the Daleks will win. And Gallifrey will still be gone.”

 

Silence fell, broken only by the Doctor’s harsh breaths. Wordless, Yaz sat motionless under the weight of the Doctor’s pain, sadness rising in her throat, choking her. The Doctor’s cheek burned under her thumb, and Yaz realized that it was covered in tears.

 

Feeling useless, Yaz pushed the Doctor back down onto the bed. She went unprotestingly, eyes full of ghosts that Yaz couldn’t see. Hesitantly, Yaz lay down next to the Doctor, curling into her, holding her.

 

“The Daleks will never win,” Yaz whispered into her hair. “Because there will always be people who you’ve touched to fight them back off. People who you’ve shown how to love, how to save others. People who love you and won’t ever let Gallifrey fade from memory. People like Ryan, and Graham. And me.”

 

The Doctor didn’t respond. But she wrapped her arms around Yaz, pulling her closer as the tears came in earnest, soaking into Yaz’s skin. And Yaz held her, stroking her hair until the tears dried. The salt cracked against Yaz’s skin, stretching it uncomfortably.

 

For a moment, the Doctor didn’t move. Then, trembling, she lifted her head up uncertainly and pressed a slow, lingering kiss to Yaz’s lips. As she pulled back, the Doctor sighed, looking into Yaz’s eyes.

 

“I love you, Yasmin Khan.”

 

Yaz felt a dopey grin unfurl on her face. “I love you too, Doctor.”

 

The Doctor smiled back at her, then got up from the bed. Yaz’s body immediately chilled as she left. “I’ve taken up enough of your time. You should get some sleep.”

 

Shivering, Yaz caught her hand. “Stay. Sleep with me.”

 

The Doctor lifted an eyebrow, glancing at Yaz’s bare chest. “In what way are you asking that?”

 

“Not that way!” Yaz blushed and wrapped an arm around her chest. “Just… stay with me. Please.”

 

The Doctor hesitated, glancing between the door and the bed. Sighing, she kicked off her boots and settled back into the bed. Grinning in triumph, Yaz curled up against her, resting her head on the Doctor’s chest. The Doctor shifted under her, draping an arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer. The odd, four beat heart beat echoed through Yaz’s ear as she wrapped a leg around the Doctor’s, content.

 

“Anything for you, Yaz. All you ever have to do is ask.”

 

“Anything?” Yaz mumbled sleepily.

 

“Anything.”

 

“Tell me about Gallifrey.”

 

The Doctor chuckled, the vibrations soothing against Yaz’s head. “What do you want to know?”

 

Yaz let her eyes slide shut, secure and calm in the warmth of the Doctor’s body and love.

 

“Everything.”

**Author's Note:**

> ill be honest with yall, im posting this while still a little hungover. i went out to a party last night, met a really cool bi guy named Joe, who had a friend named Alonso. and of course, me being really fucking drunk, i proceeded to shout in his face ALLONS Y ALONSO which turned into a conversation about dr who which turned into a rant by me about how fucking pretty jodie whittaker is. this actually happened. my life is really sad. why am i telling you this tho? to apologize for any mistakes. i usually go back and reread what ive written before posting, but like.... no. not right now. probably later. 
> 
>  
> 
> yeah, i know i said dont expect too much more from me. but i wrote this because even tho, yeah, the doctor admitted her feelings for yaz, i do NOT think that the doctor just kinda lets down her walls immediately. you gotta give her some time, shes been hurt too much. so cuddles are great for her. if you guys liked this, sex may be coming at a later date ;)
> 
> .... ive also got another idea for a fic. its gonna be long. and i want to flesh it out a LOT before posting it, because right now it is just an idea and i dont know how much time ill have to write. so that might mean nothing comes out for a couple of weeks or months while i work on it but... something else is coming. i promise. 
> 
>  
> 
> a comment or a kudos helps to cure the hangover. let me know what you think! come scream at me at valarmorghulis-butnottoday on tumblr, leave me a prompt for a one shot?


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